


Fall

by Kolivans (arka_r)



Series: tumblr drabbles [26]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, F/M, Falling In Love, Give Lotor A Hug 2018, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 18:23:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13323870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arka_r/pseuds/Kolivans
Summary: Lotor learned what would become when two people fell in love to each other so completely and so obsessively. Falling in love was the most powerful, most terrifying thing two people could do. So he guarded his heart closely. He wouldn’t repeat his parents’ mistake.When he fell in love with Allura, Lotor knew what he was supposed to do.He fled.





	Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Longpig](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Longpig/gifts).



In Lotor’s life, the word ‘fall’ felt like a curse.

 

When little Lotor fell sick, his entire world, his entire  _ universe  _ fell apart. In her pursue to find a cure for him, his mother fell prey to the madness of power and knowledge that her quintessence research offered, and she was dragging his father with her. They were each other’s downfall, his parents were, and when they fell, they took the entire Galran home planet with them.

 

The Fall of Daibazaal became a trigger that changed the fate of the entire Known Universe. The Fall of Altea, along with other Voltron Alliance planets, dashed whatever remaining hope the Universe held to save them from his parents’ genocidal rampage.

 

When his parents’ fell into the rift, they saw a glimpse of what was beyond their reach—pure quintessence, access to unimaginable power—and they  _ wanted it _ . They kept wanting for it, uncaring of who or what they might destroy. Countless worlds fell into their demise in the face of Lotor’s parents, countless beings fell into extinction.

 

Lotor learned what would become when two people fell in love to each other so completely and so obsessively. Falling in love was the most powerful, most  _ terrifying  _ thing two people could do. So he guarded his heart closely. He wouldn’t repeat his parents’ mistake.

 

When he fell in love with Allura, Lotor knew what he was supposed to do.

 

He fled.

 

—

 

In hindsight, running away with the Blade of Marmora was not his best decision, but well… he’d done worse. It was logical, but perhaps his logic was a little bit skewed since begin with. 

 

Sure, he could definitely seek refuge with the only group of Galra outside the Empire who hated his father’s guts. Nothing could absolutely go wrong with it. In his defense, he wasn’t expecting his ex-generals (what remained of them, at least) to join the Blades before him.

 

The Trials was rough. Nobody seemed intent to kill him—that was good at least—but they all sure didn’t pull their punches either. He was told to give up his blade, to not go through the door, but he  _ couldn't _ . The Blades was his only hope, his  _ only  _ chance for refuge, for keeping up the fight against his parents, for continuing to  _ live _ against all odds. He couldn’t give up right now. So he kept going, and kept going, and going until what felt like eternity, until he fell to his knees, exhausted and simply wanting it all to  _ stop _ .

 

He joined the Blades by giving up, by falling to his knees. ‘ _ The greatest knowledge was knowing when to stop _ ’, the Leader told him before congratulating him, much to his utter confusion.

 

For the first time in his life, falling did not equate to immediate disaster.

 

—

 

Falling in love with Allura, Lotor found, had been the easiest thing. There was something about her that was so eerily familiar, though he really couldn’t quite put his fingers on it. She had twinkle in her voice and stars in her eyes. Her mind was as brilliant as the brightest nebula and her temper was as fiery as the strongest pulsar wind. She was a great leader in the making.

 

And like all celestial objects, she was so full of life that Zarkon and Honerva would eventually destroy.

 

On a mission gone wrong, Lotor knew with precise clarity about what he was going to do. It didn’t make sense and it went against all of his self-preservation, but it was  _ logical _ . The Coalition needed Voltron; most of all, the Coalition needed its  _ leader _ . 

 

The Coalition didn’t need  _ him _ .

 

So he put himself between Allura and a charging blaster when she had her back turned. The force of the blow tore into his armor and sent him down the maintenance shaft. He fell.

 

He didn’t know how further down he fell, but when he landed on the top of a trash heap, his body was a collection of pain.  _ Everything _ felt like broken, even though logically he knew that if that was what actually happened, he would most definitely be dead.

 

The situation wasn't lost on him. He fell down the garbage chute, where he would meet his untimely end. Perhaps his parents should’ve thrown him down the garbage chute all those years ago and left him to rot, instead of pretending that they still cared about him. 

 

It was so hilarious to him.

 

So he laughed and laughed, until his chest hurt and his throat tight. He laughed until he cried about time long past, about a home that he would never see again and his parents who were not complete monsters. He longed for night desert wind playing with his hair as his father carried him upon his massive shoulders and told stories about constellations named after mythical warriors. He missed for the time when he fell, his mother would pick him up instead of pushing him further down.

 

At the edge of his consciousness, he tried to reassure himself that he made a difference. He saved Allura’s life; the Princess, the last Altean, the Blue Paladin, the Leader of the Coalition. That was… something, right?

 

But then he heard a mighty roar coming from above him, and the Blue Lion’s head burst into the cramped space. As its maw opened, a lithe figure clad in white jumped out of it, before landing next to him.

 

“Allura…” Lotor called weakly, before succumbing into the state of unconsciousness.

 

— 

 

Before Lotor was sick, things were different then.

 

He remembered running across the hallways inside Oradis Star-Palace, playing chase with Kova. He remembered getting tired easily, so he would tuck himself into one of the alcoves and took a nap there, with Kova guarding him like a protector. The Palace was safe, back then, before the war ripped everything apart. The guards were only for formalities and they would leave the little prince and his cat alone, undisturbed.

 

Sometimes, his father’s friends would come; strange aliens who looked like his mother. They were Alteans, he recognized, and in one occasion, he remembered them bringing a little girl younger than him.

 

She was getting increasingly fussy, so like a good prince, he allowed her to pet Kova’s fur. A good prince would not allow interplanetary conflict to happen simply because of one fussy little girl, and he was happy to notice that her mood was getting better after that. He remembered how his father had praised him while his mother giggled.

 

He realized now that the whole thing would seem quite silly. But then again, if the war could truly be stopped if everyone would just pet a cat, he would’ve done it a million times over.

 

He also recognized the girl as Allura. He didn’t know if she remembered about him—she was very young, after all—but mostly he wondered  _ why _ hadn’t he remember about her before this. Could it be that his mother tampered with his memories? What else did she tamper with? What else he was forgetting about?

 

He had so many questions, yet not enough answers.

 

—

 

When he woke up, it was to the slow hiss of the healing pod.

 

He stumbled out, rather ungracefully, and into Allura’s arms. She shapeshifted herself bigger so she could better support his frame, and Lotor definitely did not  _ swoon _ .

 

“Apologies”, he said, rather timidly.

 

She laughed at his awkwardness, clearly palpable in the air, and he hated the way his stomach flip. Suddenly, he was aware of how naked he felt without his Blade armor and mask. He needed to get out of there. He was about to walk away when she called him.

 

“How did you survive?” she asked. 

 

Lotor turned again to face her, tilting his head in confusion. “You saved me.”

 

“No, I mean—” she shook her head. There was something unreadable on her face. “How did you survive the destruction of Daibazaal?”

 

In that instant, it felt as if he was falling again.  _ Not here _ , he reminded himself.  _ Not in front of her _ .

 

“I didn’t”, he answered. “The same way my parents didn’t survive it.”

 

Because that was the only explanation. Everything about his parents’ (and his) resurrection simply made no sense. People who were dead should have stayed dead instead of starting an intergalactic war against their own allies.

 

There was a crease between Allura’s brows as a whirl of emotions flashed across her face; sadness, disbelief, anger, realization. In that moment, he suddenly realized just how young she was. She didn’t age the way he did, he didn’t know how she avoided death all those years ago.

 

The next moment, suddenly he was back into her arms, with her hugging him tight, and all he could do was freeze.

 

It was the first physical contact that didn’t end with him hurting for… he couldn’t remember when the last time he was hugged like this, if he wanted to be honest. People came into his life and left as soon as it inconvenienced them; rarely, he let people to get close enough to hurt him. But that also meant that he rarely let people to get close enough to  _ comfort  _ him.

 

“Please stop running away”, she whispered into his hair. She was still bigger than him, the top of his head fit perfectly under her chin. Her larger frame enveloped him completely with warmth and comfort.  _ Like a sun _ , he thought, and Lotor knew how it felt to fly too close to a sun.

 

He let himself fall into her gravity.

**Author's Note:**

> check [my tumblr](https://xblackpaladin.tumblr.com/).


End file.
